My fears are triggered by your presence
My girded façade begins to crumble.
Terrified by your mere existence
I brace myself for the inevitable tumble.
In your reflection I watch and observe
My best and my worst selves
Riding a mirrored rollercoaster,
Seeing both the heaven and the hell.
I am aware that it is all me
For you’re not here; not really real.
You are but a mirage,
Like the faux fear I feel.
A boogey man and a knight,
Figments of my vivid imagination
Wielding both an axe and a shield;
A looking glass with no consideration.
Face to face with my paralysis
Unable to find my breath
The question lingers…
Am I fighting for life or praying for death?
There is no warmth from you
You’re an image – objective and cold
Delivering neither criticism nor praise
Begging I examine my soul
Instructing me to live without
The external validation I crave
Encouraging love from within,
And forcing me to be brave
Inviting me to look inside
While challenging my beliefs,
Questioning all that I am
And providing no relief.
I breathe in each new day
Accepting all as it comes.
I may not be ready to fight
But for once I do not run.
And I pose the dreaded question
To the mirror, mirror on the wall –
“Who will pick up the many pieces
When you crack and I fall?”